On a craigslist ad.

“‘life is beset by irony’ WTF DOES THAT MEAN. LIKE HE IS A PREACHER BORN FROM A HOOKER?”

Debating whether or not Megan Fox is hot.

“Why are men so attracted to this hosebeast. Like she probably looks ok naked. Like I wouldn’t kick her out of bed if she ended up there.”

On whether or not my food fetish is attractive.

“YOUR CORNDOGS BRING ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD.”

To make sure you’re not being followed.

“Cover your dick tracks! Dicks!”

A philosophy.

“when life hands you LMAOs, make LMAOnade.”